Helping With Bacon

Hi everyone! A couple of you asked about how I cook the bacon so I'm going to give you the requirements and instructions on how to help cook bacon.
First, would you do me a big favor and send some virtual hugs to my mom? She is having a really bad week at work and it's only Tuesday! Your hugs will probably make her cry, but I think she needs them. Luckily she wears contacts and is having allergy issues right now so if someone walks into her office when she's got tears in her eyes she can blame it on her contacts and allergies - she does it all the time.
Okay here's the instructions for helping your parents cook bacon.
1. This is the hardest step I think. You have to learn to control your drooling. This is the part that takes the most focus because a dogs natural reaction to cooking bacon is to drool and to drool a lot!! If you drool during the process, your Mom could either step in it and get grossed out and annoyed or slip on it and get hurt which means the entire bacon process ends. If she gets grossed you, you get kicked out of the kitchen totally.
2. Next you have to figure out a safe spot to sit. You do not want to get in the way. If they trip over you, you get kicked out completely.
3. Once the bacon is in the pan and starts sizzling, watch for grease that pops out of the pan. If you have a slick floor be sure to clean it up if it gets too thick on the floor. My mom does a better job of controling her popping grease, but Dad makes a huge mess!
4. Once the bacon is almost done, create a distraction. This is where siblings come in handy. Make sure it's a big distraction so the one cooking the bacon has to go see what's going on and hopefully it will take a long time to take care of the distraction so the bacon gets a little too overcooked for human taste. Dogs don't care if the bacon is black and crispy! It still tastes like BACON!!
5. Enjoy the bacon, after all that hard work, you deserve it! This works on other foods like eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches hamburgers on the grill.
Hope this helps all of you!! Dad should be home soon. We're doing some yard work tonight which means I will annoy Mom and Dad with my tennis ball while they try to control the weeds in the back yard and fix the spot in the grass that has nothing growing on it. I think the previous owner had a pool set up for their dog and it killed the grass. When I get my new pool next summer I'll make sure Mom moves it around a lot so it doesn't kill my wonderful grass.